Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
