the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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