You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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