Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
