Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
