kristin has been a bad kristin
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
