Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
