matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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