she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
