My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
