Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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