Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
