How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
