Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
