At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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