no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
