My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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