So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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