Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sarcasm needs its own font
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize