Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He shit in the fireplace
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
