just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize