ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
