you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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