I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
