My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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