My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
