So drunk its hurt
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
