I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
jump out the window naked night went bad
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
