mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Houston, we have a blender
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
