Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize