I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
