kristin has been a bad kristin
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
