so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
