Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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