I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
