Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
