And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
