So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
from now on my penis is your penis
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
