id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love having hate sex.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
