just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It was confusing and full of hummus
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
