his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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