Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
