Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
