I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
