maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
