you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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