Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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