It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dear god my vagina.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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