i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
