discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
