Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
