did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
