Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
