We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
