Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
