I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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