i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
