I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
