This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
