He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
