i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
