so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
