Your dad touched me again.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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