ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
