I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
