she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
