Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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