For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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