Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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