he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
