I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
