either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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