If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
