Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
